Why Are People So Stubborn, Refusing to Listen to Reason?Gale Glassner Twersky
Sometimes the only way people who feel out of control may sense they have control, is when they say “NO” to you. They are stubbornly oppositional to your suggestions, your solutions, ideas, requests, demands, pleas and typically criticize you while they are at it. Even when they are hurt or devastated by their decisions of not following your lead, your advice and/or your cajoling, they still refuse to even reconsider their way of thinking. What really makes them feel pleasure, self-empowerment and self-control is adamantly resisting to believe, accept and/or appease your efforts to convince them of your point of view. To these “ornery” people it means that you are wrong and they are right…even if it makes no sense or even if they lose money, health, trust, a good relationship or whatever.
No, it does not make any logical sense. But then again, it most likely originates from a Faulty Subconscious Program that they unintentionally downloaded into their subconscious mind’s “computer”. Such Faulty Subconscious Programs were downloaded without the person’s awareness or permission. Regardless, these Faulty Subconscious Programs are directing the individual’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes and behaviors automatically, just like a computer program operates in today’s computers.This Faulty Subconscious Program preserves their sense of control perhaps because it makes these people feel “safe” or “powerful” or “like a winner” or any one of a multitude of individualized options.
Now, what can you do about this irrational reaction to your logic and intelligent reasoning? Unless you are their guardian, there is little you can do except honor the person’s right to be wrong, self-destructive, irrational, angry or whatever compassionate way you would describe this irritating display of denial. It may help to realize that they are not actually the one “in charge”; rather it is their subconscious following misguided programming that was intended to make them feel good or just better. The unsettling truth is that everyone’s subconscious makes mistakes and its job description does not include self-correction. It is up to people to recognize their harmful attitudes and behaviors so they may correct, that is, “reprogram” what was erroneously downloaded in the first place.
When it becomes known by the general public how our subconscious mind works and when people take responsibility to recognize and eliminate their own Faulty Subconscious Programs, we all will be more open-minded, compassionate and tolerant of the minority who remains so stubborn that they prefer their own self-destruction. Just consider those unfortunate folks as in the process of learning a valuable life lesson that you are unable to interrupt. You have done all you can under your circumstances and now they have to find out the truth on their own–in this lifetime or in the hereafter.
On the other hand, you may be called upon to clean up the aftermath of their self-destruction. Then that could precipitate one of your valuable life lessons–to carry on without anger, without resentments and bitterness. Instead rise above it all. Accept and carry forgiveness for them in your heart. Benefit from their mistakes; learn from their lesson as well.